..

 Go on saying never

makes us both a fool, 

for your love must be fleeting

to not have that hold. 

I knew from the start

when one question I asked,

and you looked at me 

and simply laughed. 

 At some point we lose those we love

and I am rather numb. 

Happy Birthday Jesus

 They call it the melting pot but I think the newer generations forgot why our families migrated to the United States in the first place. Wars, lack of freedom, attack on religion and hope for a better future. Times are changing faster than people can react. It appears that Christians are bending over backwards and in the process losing the freedom that they once took for granted. It isn't "happy holidays" it is Happy Birthday Jesus or Merry Christmas. More than ever we need the goodness in our lives not just on Jesus's Birthday but everyday of the year. 

The Book

 In the puzzle of life 

we spend a lifetime trying to find the pieces.

~

Some people get a page, some get a chapter 

and than there are the people in your life who want the whole book..,

maybe those are the keepers. They are there through the worst of 

times and the best of times. 

One Soul

 The child within 

was carried for a long time,

surfacing through tough times

stronger than the mind.

Stored away the memories,

sorted through at times,

no one could understand

the road that twisted andd

twned.

We are what we perceive ourselves to be.

 Life is about our perception of what it is. We see what we want to see, experience what we want to experience. Therefore we have the power to alter the journey with merely a thought or an action. It's a bit like denial if we deny our reality we have altered the outcome. To know the truth is not the same as accepting the truth. I always called that experience, " little red flags." You see them, you know where they lead and yet you refuse to accept the reality therefore altering it. The mind is incredible it can create pain or the opposite by removing the negative  we can get a sense of healing. We are the energy of the universe and in our awareness of our being one  we accept the journey. Traveling through love, heartache, sorrow, sadness , happiness to find that we are merely a product of our own actions. Drawn to the experience even when we know that the outcome will be less than perfect. Our emotions not necessarily triggers but part of the fall out of time and space. It is partly like being aware of your surroundings. My first experience with this awareness was when my children were quite young . I had dropped them off at school and went uptown to do a little window shopping. In the back of the store were collectibles and a man standing behind me. It was something in his eyes . I am not sure that it was evil but maybe a bit of fear. I looked around at my surroundings. There was the cashier in the front of the store , a silence and at that Moment I found myself locked into his eyes. I knew at that moment that he would hold that store up. I walked out of the store and said to the cashier time to pick up the children. Even though I had just dropped them off. I wanted him to know that I had a family incase he might have had some conscience. I walked across the street and told them the gift shop across the street is being held up. He indeed pulled a gun on her and robbed the store. The grocery store owner began to chase the thief down the street. Did my awareness alter the situation or was I just a part of an experience that was somehow out of my hands? That brings me to love relationships. You sense that something is not right and you tuck it in the back of your mind. But in all reality the experience of denial will surface. Honesty, trust, respect are merely a few steps in the journey. They are like a train on its tracks we move forward sparking the emotions. Knowing very well we set ourselves up for a sort of heartbreak. Created for the experience or experiencing the creation, either way our journey is unique to each and everyone us. I walked outside quickly gazed at the leaves as they were falling like a carpet upon the earth. I felt the wind against my face and knew I was in the middle of this experience that makes us one with our surroundings. Did we change the journey for those we met or do the people we meet change the journey for us? In all reality we are one , we can't shake it as it is now a part of who we are.  Our wisdom of time surfaces and the knowledge brings a new awareness. Each frame of life can be played out independently of itself. Sometimes it's a matter of circumstance that lays the foundation but it always intuitively or not our choice. We are the directors of our own path , to walk, stumble and fall and yes to get back up. 

weep

 How many tears do we weep?

How much sorrow can be had?

How many days on this earth?

The thoughts can drive one 

mad. 

Tears never stop coming

and the sorrow never ends, 

our days on this earth are limited

and only known by the heavens 

pen. 

My pillow knows the stories,

the whispers I have told, 

some are not to unique 

and they're never to grow

old. 

In the Silence

The rooster crowed 

before the sun rise 

and the train whistle

caught me by surprise.

The stream dry 

and the river still 

as the raven watches

from yonder hill. 

All went quiet

and the silence spoke

and your name 

with the darkness broke.

They say "time heals"

but I found it standing still,

holding on to yesterday 

as the memories found their

way.

blah blah blah

 I feel numb as the void within surfaces. 

~

When the whispers  end the night in silence

the heart picks up where the whispers end. 

~

Frankly I don't understand, 

as my emotions bucket the tears. 

Once

 Why are there tear drops

no tears are allowed here, 

but as the day is passing 

I wanted with you to share.

I wanted to call your name

to whisper words of love 

but all that's left 

is a void where once 

was love. 

That it is...

 Laugh, love and live for the moment is fleeting. 

Rest In Peace Andrea the

Writing down my emotions is like blowing in the wind and has become a way of cleaning the palate of the soul. My sister's death was a shock. Though her choices in life were not always good. I never expected her to die in such a violent way. Life and death are our only guarantees and we are responsible for how we live between the two experiences. 

Andrea was rather compulsive in her choices. Much of the time she acted and reacted without giving it much thought. The fact that she ended her life failing to yield to a train is both shocking and yet not a surprise. Her restlessness and many times poor choices revealed years of a troubled life.  She was always looking for something that maybe just didn't exist. It reminded me of Oz. "“If I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than "my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with.” ― L. Frank Baum, "

She had everything materialistic that a person could ask for but she just never managed to find " Peace of mind" aIl of it is kind of a reminder no matter how bad you think it is , it can always be worse. 

Just Being Me

Alone is not a bad thing,
I can do anything at all
or I can do nothing if
that is the days call.

Daydream all day
and drift into the abyss
or block out the world
and not worry about bliss.

Fair

First Kindergarten lesson ...life is not fair.

It would be fair to spend my life with you, to feel the moment like when I first laid eyes on you. It would be fair to relive again once and forever to love until the end. It would be fair to never ever feel the pain, the void inside when love is ripped from your life. It would be fair that only good things would happen to good people and only goodness would a dream come true. It would only be fair if decisions I could make would take back the years that seemed to be ruled by fate.

It would be fair...
No sickness in children,
no lovers heartache,
no storms of life
for a soul to partake.

No needless violence
and no traces of war,
no signs of darkness
and a lock on the devils
door.

It would be fair...
if all could see the
beauty of life, the
magic of love that
reveals that all is
right.

Blue sky on the grayest
of days and a warm sun
to dry up all traces of
gloom and rain.

Keep the love flowing

Dado Baba which stood for great grandmother use to say " never go to bed angry"

Welcome the morning free of hate,
allow only love on this road we call fate.
Happiness comes from inside and is ignited
when you are by my side.

No goodbyes between us,
there is always love between us,
no matter where you journey,
no matter how far you go.

Never go to bed angry,
keep those positive thoughts alive,
we touched the heart of happiness
and in our soul it resides.

My Pet Peeve

Pert Peeves... driving on the road has caused me to have a few of them. It seems most people forget they have a turn signal and well posted speed limits are to be broken but my least favorite is those who just don't seem to turn off darn high beams.

Turn off those lights A-hole,
you're not the only game in town,
the lever on the left
will turn those high beams down.

It surely is my pet peeve,
the way you blind me on the road,
screaming does very little ,
so I'm singing for you to turn
those darn lights down.

Turn off those lights A-hole,
there is cars all around,
no matter what lane they are in
you need to turn them down.

I can't see a thing,
even though I look away,
blinding the other driver
is an awfully dangerous game.

UGH

I have more riches than all the royalty,
for I am surrounded by your love.
My treasure overflows with
the magic of your friendship.

~
My online diary,
a place to come,
where I can share,
the warmth of love.

One word or two,
a thousand more,
I write the words
of what is in store.

Rainbows, blue skies,
clouds of white, dreams
of happiness and holding
you tight.

 

I scream so loud in silence that my head hurts.

 

 

~

I live to taste the sweetness of honey from your lips.

 

~

 

I can't change what was already written,

 

Today

I find restraints upon the moment in a depth that

one cannot conceive until they are submerged.

Christmas

Ten Years Old

It is a very important age,  a major milestone in my life. I think my own children miss the importance of the season. There comments of what they didn't receive as a gift , etc. I looked back on my own childhood and what Christmas meant. Christmas day brought it with a sign of hope, hope for all mankind and the meaning of faith. But in all reality it was a time of peace. I liked that feeling of peace, that connection to something far and yet close with Earth. The images that we retain in our memory are like clips that document different times of our life. As the season quickly brings the holiday near I find myself looking at life through the eyes of that ten year old little girl. Holding on to hope and faith and being grateful for the time we have on Earth.
I am reminded that yesterday is gone and tomorrow will be nothing like today. Each day is a representation of the gift of life. May your Christmas be filled with hope , faith and peace in the tomorrows that await you.

Lights that glitter,
sparkle everywhere,
a celebration of life
that we are here to
share.

Grateful am I for
all the days gone by
and in hope that with
tomorrow you'll be
by my side.

Merry Christmas

Forever Ten Years Old

Sunshine and rain make a rainbow bright,
blue skies and clouds a dream for life,
happiness and sorrow to spare reveals
the heartache that the heart and soul
share.

Wandering through the thicket,
nothing belongs to you and I ,
we'll fade like the seasons
before us as we wait on
another storm.